Let’s be honest, not everyone likes talking about money—whether it’s with your significant other or someone else involved in money decisions. It can bring up emotions, past experiences, and worries you’d rather not deal with. It’s also hard to know where to start. As a result, many people put off the conversation, telling themselves they’ll get to it later.

In reality, avoiding the money chat often makes things worse. When you don’t work together as a team, small issues can quietly turn into big ones. Opportunities get missed. Money sneaks out without anyone quite knowing where it’s going. In some cases, misunderstandings or assumptions can lead to extra debt or stress.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Here’s how to make the money chat feel natural and constructive. You may even enjoy it.

What is the money chat, anyway?

Put simply, the money chat is just an honest conversation with someone in your life about how money fits into your life. It’s all about understanding where you are, where you want to go, and how you’ll get there—together.

It’s an important conversation to have because when money goes undiscussed, the risks can add up. You might miss chances to save or invest—costing you money. You could overspend because things like automatic subscriptions are leaking out of your account—also costing you money. You might assume someone else is “handling it,” but what if they’re thinking the same thing about you?

On the flip side, regular money chats can reduce stress, build trust, and help you feel more in control. By working as a team, you can manage your money effectively and reach common goals sooner.

Who likes spreadsheets? No-one, right? Importantly, the money chat isn’t about spreadsheets or financial jargon. And it’s not about attaching blame or who’s “good” or “bad” with money. It’s about being honest, asking questions, listening, and understanding each other’s priorities and your shared goals.

It doesn’t need to be a long, intense discussion. A short check-in is far better than silence, and you can focus on different things at different times. Often, starting is the hardest part. Once you do, you’ll likely wonder why you waited so long.

Understand your money personalities

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to money. We all bring different habits, emotions, and experiences to the table, and those differences matter.

Some people are natural savers, finding comfort in having a financial cushion. Others are spenders, prioritizing “the now” in terms of enjoying their money and life. Some are planners who love structure and long-term goals, while others prefer flexibility and focusing on the present. Some people are independent, preferring to do things themselves, while others are more willing to leave it to others.

None of these approaches are “right” or “wrong,” and it can actually be a good thing to have differing money personalities. Problems usually crop up when people don’t know their own and each other’s styles, and don’t take these into account when talking about money and divvying up tasks, e.g. who pays the bills or manages the household budget.

Taking time to talk about your feelings around money can help a lot. You can identify strengths, spot problem areas, and find common ground. For example, a more cautious saver can balance out a spender, while a planner’s structured approach can support someone who finds money overwhelming.

3 ways to start the conversation (with examples)

1. Choose the right moment

Timing matters. Avoid starting the money chat when emotions are already running high or when you’re rushed or distracted. Look for a calm, neutral moment—perhaps during a walk, over coffee, or when you’re already planning something together.

Example: “Things have been busy lately, but I’d love to set aside a little time to talk about our finances when we’re both feeling relaxed.”

2. Keep the tone supportive

Frame the conversation as something you’re doing together, not something you’re doing to someone. Avoid blame or assumptions, and use “we” language wherever possible.

Example: “I want us to feel more confident about our money. Can we look at it together?”

3. Use the right tools

Sometimes it helps to have something concrete to look at—a simple budget jotted down on paper or a financial goal you’re working toward. It can even just be print-outs of last month’s bank and credit card statements. Tools can make the conversation feel less personal and more practical.

Conversation starters for different life stages:

• Any age: “Is there one money thing that’s been on your mind lately?”
• Young families: “How can we manage our expenses and also save?”
• Mid-career: “Are we on track for the goals we talked about a few years ago?”
• Approaching retirement: “What would help us feel more secure about the next phase?”

Strategies for a successful money chat

Start with shared goals

Rather than diving into details right away, begin with what you both want. That might be less stress, more flexibility, a family trip, paying down debt, or planning for retirement. Shared goals create a sense of purpose and teamwork.

Keep it simple

You don’t need to cover everything at once. Focus on one or two topics to start with. Trying to solve everything in a single conversation can be overwhelming, and makes it hard to know where to start.

Create a simple plan

End the conversation with a few next steps. That might mean setting a savings target, planning for a follow-up chat, or agreeing to get advice. Even small actions build momentum.

When to seek help

If you get stuck or things get a bit emotional, it might be time to bring in a financial advisor. They can act a bit like a “money therapist,” helping you sort through options, clarify goals, and keep things focused and productive. Advisors aren’t there to judge; they’re there to listen, explain, and guide.

At Coastal Community Credit Union, advisors have these conversations every day—with members and in their own lives. They understand that money is personal, and that the best way to start is with a simple chat. They also know how easy it is to put off having the money talk.

Keeping the conversation going

One good money chat is helpful. Regular ones can genuinely transform how confident you feel about money. Consider short monthly or quarterly check-ins. Review goals, note what’s changed, and adjust things as needed. Importantly, celebrate progress. Treat yourselves to dinner or something else nice as a reward for being “team money.” If you have kids or young adults, involve them when you think the time is right, so they learn by example. You could start with teaching them how to manage their pocket money.

Over time, money shifts from being something you quietly worry about separately to something you actively manage together. Why not start with one quick chat this week? It could be as simple as, “When would be a good time to talk about money?”